The Process
I use the Gottman Institute's program and also weave in other modalities if the couple's needs suggest them. It takes time to learn new skills and make changes in relationship. In addition to relationship counselling, I include coaching and skills training in our sessions. After the sessions I send you through handouts, and reading suggestions and video links to help you at home.
The First Three Sessions
I ask couples to commit to a series of 3 sessions as an initial process.
The First Session
You will need a laptop or computer that has a camera, and a space where you can both sit in front of the camera easily. I use Google Meet and email through a link prior to your session, all you need to do is text me when you are ready to begin, then click on the link to join in.
The couple attending counselling need to be in the same room for the session, and it's best to have a private room where you won't be disturbed, and, there are to be no children present in the same area.
This is an intake session where you both attend, you can discuss what is happening in your relationship, and what led you to relationship counselling. In this session I often start to share skills that can help you straight away.
Second Session: Two Individual Sessions.
I then ask people to have an individual session each. I ask for there to be a 'no secret' policy so if you share something in a session with me, it needs to be able to be shared with your partner.
There is an in-depth questionnaire from The Gottman Institute to fill out for each of the people attending. I ask you to fill out the questionnaire and return it prior to your individual sessions.
Third Session
We start with asking how you're doing and there is a space for sharing. Next, I'll summarise the assessment, and there will be time to share feedback about your insights after filling in the questionnaire. We'll start to practice some exercises designed to help you with communication, and I'll share with you some of The Gottman's Information on The Sound Relationship House. You'll also learn how to move from Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt and Stone Walling to a healthy way of interacting, to improve fun, play, romance, passion, friendship, emotional connection, adventure and intimacy.
Following Sessions
In following sessions, you'll get to practice what we've touched on. I will weave into your sessions specific exercises from the Gottman's that can address some of the areas from your questionnaire to help you strengthen your areas that may be weak, and encourage you in areas where you are strong.
The Emotional Bank Account
Think about your relationship from the perspective of a bank account. Every positive thing you do for your partner,
is a deposit in your relationship bank account. Little things add up over time. A tender touch,
kindness, a caring word, compliments, listening,
time spent together. Every negative thing you do to your partner,
is a withdrawal from your relationship bank account. If trust has been broken with a betrayal or affair, that event bankrupts your emotional bank account. What is the state of your relationship bank account?
Affair and Betrayal: If you are seeking help for your relationship after finding out about an affair - click here.
Emotional Affair:
If you are seeking help for your relationship after finding out about an affair - click here.
Relationship sessions are contra-indicated when:
There is an ongoing affair - disclosed or secret or, if there is domestic violence happening. Individuals can still attend by themselves please talk to me about this when booking a session.
Seven Ways to Improve your Relationship - Article By John Gottman - click here
Lennox Head Counselling and Coaching - help along life's journey.
